生命经历圣灵的更新
—这是我经历圣灵充满以致生命得着更新的见证。
今天我要和大家分享：我是如何经历圣灵及圣灵如何在我的生命中带来更新与突破。
这是发生在2004年约16年前的事。就像圣经中的摩西在他40岁时神把他从王宫中带他到旷野经历神的陶造，我在那一年也开始从我信仰的传统中走出来。那是我人生中最大的转折点。
当陈牧师在经历圣灵充满与领受圣灵的恩赐说方言后，有大半年的时间他是偷偷操练方言而不敢让我知道的。当我知道后，我心中非常纳闷；当时无知的我是极端反对圣灵充满的。因为我对圣灵一知半解，只知道圣灵是三位一体真神的一位，其他什么都不知道。这是我过去在教会中长大从小被保护被教导的。所以当我知道我的丈夫好像经历了我从不知道的属灵的事情，我就开始跟神说：如果炎明所经历的是从你而来，那你也要让我经历，否则我们如何能够同心同行一起服事呢？但是在我的内心深处，我是极度不能接受圣灵的充满与方言的恩赐的。我还记得，在那期间有一群从东马过来新加坡参加特会的牧者们，他们特意到访要来帮助我了解有关圣灵充满的事，但是我就是心硬嘴也硬，就拒绝了他们，并且还说：即使我没有圣灵充满，我也是一样可以爱主服事主，我不需要圣灵。其实当我越是拒绝圣灵，我内心就更盼望知道圣灵到底是怎么一回事。在我的灵里仿佛有两个声音，使我非常难受、失落。一方面我的内心充满不安、惧怕，担心一旦松手没有抓紧所坚守的信念，恐怕我就会走火入魔！但是越是这样想，我灵里面就越想要知道这一切是不是出于神的作为，是他要我去经历的。也就因为我在灵里的渴慕，圣灵很快地就来造访我。
我永远不会忘记我是怎样突破自己的思想框架领受圣灵的开启。那是在一个主日下午的祷告会中，我心中突然有感动在祷告中跟神说：圣灵啊！我知道你是三位一体真神的一位，如果我在过去没有遵从你、把你当神、忽略了你，请你原谅我。就当我开口跟圣灵求饶恕的时候，突然在祷告中我看见从来没有看过的图像出现在脑海里。我看见一只母鸡刚刚下了几个蛋，但不久这几个蛋就开始龟裂，然后就看见一只一只刚出生全身湿湿的小鸡就跳出壳来开始走路。这太奇妙了。按常理来说，刚出世的小鸡应该是很软弱走不动的。但是出现在我画面里的小鸡却是蹦蹦跳跳的，完全不合常理。就在我想也想不通的时候，在我的灵里面仿佛有一个声音对我说：这就是超越理性。圣灵所做的，就是超越理性，超越你思想的框架。这一刻我里面有一个很深很深的懊悔，我就对圣灵说：请你赦免我，赦免我的渺小无知，赦免我对你的不敬。不知道你就是那一位至高全能的神！
当我祷告完后我感觉在灵里面是非常轻松、喜乐的。过去的压迫、挣扎与惧怕全部消失。从那一天开始，我感觉我的灵是被开通了，我可以很直接地跟神对话，跟圣灵沟通。我感觉圣灵是与我同在的。那一种可以与神互通的亲密感是我从来没有体会过的，我无法用言语来形容我的平安与喜乐。
自从我的生命经历圣灵的开启与充满后，因着我灵里面常常渴慕神的同在、渴慕经历圣灵更多在我生命里面的作为，我的生命有很大的改变！我从一个不会祷告、很怕祷告的人开始渴慕亲近神、寻求神，常常向他祷告。经历圣灵的更新与浇灌，我可以很勇敢地去为病人祷告，为有需要的人祷告。我开始看见圣灵满有能力运行在信的人中间，透过单纯的祷告神成就许多奇妙的事！
我从一个胆怯惧怕的师母经历圣灵不断地开启与带领下，今天成为一个满有能力、圣灵充满的师母，不是因为我是什么可以做什么。这乃是因为圣灵在我里面！正如圣经在约翰一书4:4提到："小子们哪，你们是属神的，并且胜了他们，因为那在你们里面的，比那在世界上的更大。以前的我和被圣灵充满更新之后的我是截然不一样的。我从前是非常物质主义的。我虽然爱神服事神，但是我是活在传统守住真理的里面，是靠自己的努力做一个好人，尽力作一个讨神喜悦的人。但是今天的我常常学习要依靠圣灵，让圣灵帮助带领我过每一天的生活。
因为圣灵使我的人生价值观改变了，我不再追求物质的满足，我更渴慕我的生命可以大大被神来使用，可以成为许多人的祝福！
Expriencing the renewal of life through the Holy Spirit
Pastor Joanna Tan
Today I want to share my testimony of how I experienced the filling of the Holy Spirit and how the Holy Spirit enabled the renewal and breakthroughs in my life.
This happened about 16 years ago in 2004. Just as God moved 40 years old Mose from the palace and into the wilderness to experience the moulding and shaping by God, I began to walk out of the tradition of my faith. That was the biggest turning point in my life.
After Pastor Tan experienced the filling of the Holy Spirit and received the gift of tongues, he spent six months secretly practicing the gift of tongue without my knowledge. I was then ignorant and extremely opposed the filling of the Holy Spirit due to lack of understanding. I only knew the Holy Spirit as one of the Holy Trinity and nothing else. This was caused by growing up in the protective environment of the church. I yearn to have the same spiritual experience like my husband and began to tell God: If Yan Ming ’s experience is from you, then let me experience it too, or how are we to serve together with one heart? But deep in my heart, it was extremely difficult for me to accept the filling of the Holy Spirit and the gift of tongue. Once a group of East Malaysian pastors came to attend a special meeting here and specifically visited us to help me understand the filling of the Holy Spirit. But I hardened my heart and rejected them saying: I can still love the Lord and serve Him even without the filling of the Holy Spirit.
In fact, the more I rejected the Holy Spirit, the more eager I was to know what the Holy Spirit is all about. There seemed to be two voices in my spirit, which made me very uneasy and lost. I was filled with unease and fear and worried that if I let go and not hold on fast to my faith, I will get into trouble! However, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to know in my spirit whether if it was God's work and He wanted me to experience it. Due to my desire for the spirit, the Holy Spirit visited me expeditiously.
I will never forget how I broke through my frame of mind and received the revelation of the Holy Spirit. On one Sunday prayer meeting suddenly there was a prompting in my heart to pray to God: Holy Spirit! I know that you are One of the Holy Trinity. Please forgive my disobedience and ignorance in the past. As I prayed to seek forgiveness from the Holy Spirit, suddenly images appeared in my mind that I had never seen before. I saw a hen laid a few eggs which soon began to hatch and chicks jumped out of the shell and started walking still with their wet body. It was amazing. Rationally, the newly born chicks should be very weak and unable to walk. But the chicks were bouncing around which was totally irrational. Just when I was unable to figure out, there seemed to be a voice in my spirit that said: This is beyond reason. What the Holy Spirit does transcends reason and the framework of your mind. At that moment, there was a very deep regret in me and I told the Holy Spirit: Please forgive me, forgive my ignorance and forgive me for disrespecting You. I ddn't know You are the Most Almighty God!
After I prayed, I felt very relaxed and happy in the spirit. The past oppressions, struggles and fears disappeared. From that day on, I feel that my spirit has been opened and I can talk directly with God and communicate with the Holy Spirit. I feel that the Holy Spirit is with me. I have never experienced that kind of intimacy with God. Words cannot describe the peace and joy in me. Since I experienced the filling and revelation of the Holy Spirit, the longing for the presence of God in my spirit and the desire to experience more of the Holy Spirit in my life, I have changed tremendously!
I have changed from a person who could not pray and was afraid of prayer to one who yearns to be close to God, to seek Him and pray often. After experiencing the renewal and the out pouring of the Holy Spirit, I could pray courageously for the sick and those who are in need. I began to see the powerful works of the Holy Spirit among the believers and accomplished many wonderful things through simply praying to God!
Through the constant revelation and leading of the Holy Spirit, I was transformed from a timid and fearful Shimu to one who is powerful and filled with the Holy Spirit. This is not what I can do by myself but through the Holy Spirit in me! As the Bible mentions in 1 John 4: 4:” You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” I was changed completely after the filling of the Holy Spirit. I was previously very materialistic. Although I love and serve God but I live in the tradition of keeping the truth, relying on my own efforts to be a good person, trying my best to please God. But today I have learned to rely on the Holy Spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to help lead me to live each day.
I no longer pursue material satisfaction because the Holy Spirit has changed my life value and I yearn for my life to be greatly used by God and become a blessing for many people!